Airport bookshops are full of management books, because top corporate bosses have a lot of free time. Typically, once the boss has read a management book, the employees have to read it too. Thus, everybody gets sucked into its vortex – and the book becomes a bestseller. In management parlance, this is known as the Downward Spiral of Doom.

The good news is that most management books can be summed up in a paragraph. However, most people do not like to pay money for a paragraph. Hence, they are turned into books. As a public service, Newslaundry is providing you a selection of these paragraphs, free of cost.

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: Prof. Stephen R. Covey

 Over 15 million people have become more effective after reading this book, including former US President Bill Clinton. They used techniques such as“Being Proactive”, “Encouraging Win-Win Scenarios” and “Synergising”.

The seven habits mentioned in the title are actually a process with three stages. In Stage I, we make ourselves independent. In Stage II, we learn how to become dependent. In Stage III, having thoroughly confused everybody, we draw ahead of the pack by improving continuously.After this comes death, which is not covered.

A sequel to the book, called “The 8^th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness”was released recently. This has led to widespread demands for refunds from buyers of the previous book, who had thought there were only 7.

Who Moved My Cheese?: Prof Spencer Johnson

 Sometimes bosses communicate through books. Imagine one day you are standing in the corridor with your coffee, fantasizing about the girl in the accounts department, harming no one, when the boss comes and gifts you a book. If your boss gifts you ‘Who Moved My Cheese?’, it could mean one of three things:

a) You are about to be fired.

b) Your company has been purchased by Google.

c) The office is shifting to Badarpur.

Through this gift, the message your boss is trying to convey is, ‘Embrace change, so I can get more money. Or I will hurt you.’

The boss smiles, pats you on the back and walks away. You will not stand outside with your coffee in future. But today it is too late. You look at the book in your hand. Your head is reeling. You fear the worst. But the worst is yet to come. The worst is when you open the book and realise that the main characters in this book are two talking mice and two tiny people. Which means that through this gift, your boss is also telling you that you have the intellectual capacity of a four-year-old. You suppress your anguish and read on. You discover that the mice and the little people, all of whom speak English, are eating cheese at a Cheese Station, until one day the cheese runs out. The mice bravely venture out to look for more cheese. The little men blame each other for moving the cheese that they already had, which has now vanished, not realising that they have consumed it. Subsequently, driven by severe cheese withdrawal, they too go out and search for cheese, and eventually they find it. On the way, they write each other encouraging messages with the word “cheese” in them, such as “The quicker you get rid of old cheese, the sooner you can enjoy new cheese” and “Smell the cheese often”.

The key message we get from this book is that mice are smarter than humans.

Competitive Advantage: Prof Michael S. Porter

 Over 456 pages, this management classic explains that in order to succeed against competitors, we need to have something they do not have. In the pre-management era, this was known as an advantage. Now it is known as Competitive Advantage. Many slides have been created with this title. In fact, a recent worldwide survey has revealed it to be Number 4 in terms of popularity as a slide title, closely following “SWOT Analysis”, “Way Forward” and “Thank You”.

Competitive Advantage has given birth to another powerful term, Barrier To Entry. This is something that companies erect to maintain their Competitive Advantage. For example, if other companies are unable to manufacture swimsuit calendars because Kingfisher has signed up all the models, this is known as a Barrier to Entry. If you use these two phrases often, people will be convinced that you have read this book. Thanks to your knowledge of advantages, you will be seen as a person who can give thorns to competition. Which brings us to…

Discover the Diamond in You: Prof Arindam Chaudhuri

 This book was written by Professor Arindam Chaudhuri, whose tailor was recently executed for “crimes against humanity”. According to the author’s website, the book has extraordinary remarks from Shahrukh Khan, and admiration from Amitabh Bachhan. The purpose of this book is to help you shine, through application of the nine Ps, which are very similar to the 4 Cs used to measure diamonds, except that they are Ps instead of Cs, and the number is different. The Nine Ps are Passion, Positive Energy, Personality, People Skills, Performance, Perseverance, Principles, Perspective and Patriotism. A Tenth P – Prawns, is rumored to have been dropped at the last minute.

The book is designed to be completed in 59 minutes, leaving you one minute to reflect on the hour of your life which will never come back.

The Dilbert Principle: Prof Scott Adams

This book uses simple logic to make us feel better as corporate employees.

Everyone is an idiot.

1. However, some people are bigger idiots than others.
2. Recognising this, modern organisations automatically promote the most ineffective workers to the place where they can do the least harm – management.

   This is known as The Dilbert Principle.

This book provides a philosophy designed to help us survive corporate life. It tells us that everything we do as corporate employees is pointless, so we might as well make fun of the boss. A vast majority of the corporate employees worldwide subscribe to this philosophy, making The Dilbert Principle the single most influential management textbook ever written.

Student Exercise

1. What is the difference between Cheddar cheese and Gouda cheese?
2. Apart from your boss and Manmohan Singh, which other Indian examples illustrate the Dilbert Principle?
3. What other words beginning with P can help bring out the diamond in you?