News offers so much more to the viewer now than it ever has in history. We get a bigger bang for our buck, thanks to the efforts of networks like ABP News. The versatility of their model not only gives you news, brilliant insight and analysis, but also entertains and satisfies your basest voyeuristic instincts – all this while talking truth to power and fulfilling the public service news is supposed to.

Maybe I have gone too far – so they not only give you the news, brilliant insight, analysis, but also entertain and satisfy your basest voyeuristic instincts.

Okay, still too much? They give you the news and also entertain and satisfy your basest voyeuristic instincts.

What? Ab bhi zyada hai? Fine. How’s this – they entertain and satisfy your basest voyeuristic instincts? Apologies for the earlier loopy ABP News fanboy hyperbole. But I was way too impressed by the dressing down they gave Newslaundry.

“Agar nahin suna, toe ab sun lein”

I had barely recovered after having witnessed (I say ‘witnessed’ and not watched because you don’t watch history being made, you witness it and ABP News is doing nothing less than making history) the outstanding coverage of former Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) minister Sandeep Kumar’s sex video coverage on ABP News on August 31 (it took me a few days to recover) when it was brought to my notice that the channel had taken Newslaundry and our errant reporter Manisha Pande to task for this piece.

Before I go on to extol the virtues of ABP News’s hour-long, we-told-you-so special. Sample the video below which has clips from an hour-long show which aired 3 days later.

For those who don’t have broadband access and can’t see the video, I shall quote the pearls of wisdom as we go along and we will all learn so much about journalism, pre-emptive, predictive reporting; the state of women, and how they are exploited in this country of which we (at Newslaundry) know very little, as pointed out by accomplished anchor and keen understander of women and gender issues, Dibang, which has no doubt contributed to his exceptional journalistic career.

I wish my appreciation for ABP News’s work could be as dramatic as their work itself, but text does not lend itself to rongte khade karne wala-background music from a Ramsay brother horror show (or some stolen bars from the soundtrack of The Dark Knight). Nor does it allow for the thrill and fear-inducing voiceover, right out of a low budget disaster film. And even if I used video, I doubt I could match the ABP News-like impact because as Dibang The Understander of Women stated on the show, “jo likhne wale hain, humare samaaj pe kitni kam pakad hai unki (those who write have such a weak grasp on our society)”. Clearly our pakad cannot match Dibang’s on samaj or women.

“ABP News pe sabse pehle aya ye CD”

Yo! Haters gonna hate but three days after they first aired the “apattijanak” (objectionable) video, ABP News was proud of what they’d done.

What ABP News also did wonderfully was replace the done-to-death “Times Now /CNN-News18 /NDTV /XYZ IMPACT” with the more down-to-earth, we-told-you-so model of news delivery. The almost hour-long episode on September 3  was a pat-on-their-own-back assertion that they gave us news before it had happened or anyone had claimed anything. A full three days before any of the silly details on the sex tape issue tumbled out. If you thought only channels like MiracleNet or Devi TV predicted the future with their religious shows,  turn to ABP News. George Bush’s pre-emptive strikes are nothing compared to ABP News’s pre-emptive reports, telling us what has happened to whom, before anyone has claimed anything or even tracked down the affected party.

“Poori zimmedari se kaha tha shoshan hua”

If ABP News’s ability to know news before anything has happened or been claimed is not zimmedar bhavishyawani, I don’t know what is. On August 31, they ran for at least an hour (if not two) special live coverage of a video clip (they keep referring to it as “CD”. Possibly because knowing basics of technology – along with spell check and factual accuracy – are not part of ABP News’s journalism. CDs, pen drives, What’sApp are delivery and circulation tools. The content is in video format. You could hope electronic news professionals at least would get nomenclature right, or you could just be thankful that they’re doing zimmedar bhavishyavani). The video shows a man and woman having sex. The man appears to be a much thinner Sandeep Kumar. As anchor Abhisar Sharma said on air at the top of the hour, this “CD” was given to ABP News by an unknown person. So all they had to go on as far as this video was concerned, was that it was provided by an unknown person. Nothing in the video suggests there is rape. It merely shows two people having sex.

Yet ABP carried it as a “scandal”. Mind you, they made no allegation of rape or any other specific claim – it was simply  a scandal. If this speculative bhavishywani a la Asaram Bapu is not enough to impress you, you don’t deserve such zimmedar news.  

Besides the only reason ABP News does this is to satiate the voyeur in us, until someone can get some facts to report as news. Selfless public interest news means plunge to any depth just to keep us viewers hooked.

“Blog pe apne lekhon mein ABP news ki khabaro ko lekar nishana saadha gaya”

While ABP News was wildly speculating – with background music and footage playing in loop – for the greater public good, to save TV news from becoming a reality show, ungrateful news professionals like Shivam Vij and Manisha Pande were attacking ABP News’s fine reportage on vile platforms like Huffington Post and Newslaundry pointing to silly details like absence of any facts or evidence at the time to back ABP News’s fine reporting on the 31st of August.

They had the audacity to question the “scandal” based on the information available at hand, which was nothing other than a video from an unknown person. But they are mere mortals. They can’t look into the future and know what would happen three days later, the way ABP News evidently could despite saying on air that they could not verify or say anything about the video when they first ran the story.  

But when has lack of information of any facts deterred the brave?

ABP News senses shoshan even before you can say ‘show’, so don’t shun what they claim. Only the slow wait for facts to emerge. Fittingly ABP News gave it back to Manisha Pande through their anchor Dibang of understanding-women’s-issues-well fame.

“Ek ek khabar jo ABP ne dikhayi thi wo sahi sabit hui”

As a scandalised voice uttered the line above (set to a noisy background score), I again understood the need for speculative reporting– all for the sake of the viewer and the truth. Because three days later, there was proof that  there was indeed a scandal, just as ABP News had claimed earlier (without really saying why).

As more facts will emerge, perhaps ABP News will make it up as they go along. Say something completely contrary emerges a week later (as has happened in many cases over the years, from wrongly-reported Church attacks to Tuktuki Mondal’s case), it matters not. ABP News’s zimmedar panel probably has already seen that in their crystal ball and will factor it into their reportage today.

Since merely reporting facts is no fun and one takes over-the-top hysterical positions on a whim, in case some contrary facts emerge later, I am hoping ABP News will go with headlines and hashtags like  “Dekhiye kaise ABP ne ki thi ghatiya kisam ka news coverage aur humari bhadd pit gayi! (See how ABP did bad coverage and got us royally screwed!)” Hashtag: #AbBoloABP (they had a hashtag #ABBoloAshutosh, not joking). Or “ABP ki behad hi ghatiya kisam ki C-grade horror film type coverage ka mukhauta utra (The mask is ripped thanks to ABP’s C-grade horror film-type coverage)”. Because if similar headlines congratulating yourself on your preemptive strikes inspire trust and confidence, so will the ones above. Promise. If you are selfless enough to stoop to where you do now, you ABP News will have no problem going a bit further, I am certain.

“Pidit ne lagayi ABP news ki khabar par mohar”

And nothing says we are brave news professionals who put news before everything better than using the victim of the sex video as a shield to cover attacks on themselves. On September 3, ABP News played a bit from an interview with the lady in the sex video, in which she says she has been exploited, followed by the same old angry and breathless voiceover guy saying – “Pidit ne lagayi ABP news ki khabar par mohar (the one who is suffering has put her seal of approval on ABP News’s report)”.  Also “Aaj is mahila ke saamne aane ke baad un sab logon ko karara jawaab mila hai (Today with this woman coming forward, all those who doubted have got resounding reply).”

If this does not want to make you kneel and bow to ABP News, what will? They are willing to plunge to such depths only to get you and me to watch them. That is called commitment to profession.  ABP News sinking to Mariana Trench-level depth on content for our sake is one thing, but to use a possible victim of a sex video as your advocate in a trash talking contest with a small-time news critique portal was too low – even for ABP News, who like the much-hated Arvind Kejriwal, only entered the gutter to clean it up and thus got a little dirty in the process. But still. Why drag her to your defense? You have Dibang, no?

If that mohar was not enough, roll out the netas.

But not just the lady in the sex video, ABP News decided to play video clips of AAP’s Arvind Kejriwal (who they can’t get enough of attacking at other times), who had fired the minister and rebuked him publicly the evening the story broke. ABP News used Kejrwal’s claims to prove they were right. Because you know – it’s Kejriwal, and as ABP News knows he can say and do no wrong, might as well use him to justify your actions.  Even though no one knew there was anything dubious about the video at the time that the statement was made. After using the Delhi Chief Minister’s statement to show ABP News was on the same page as Arvind Kejriwal (yay!), ABP News went back to trashing him.

In case the Delhi CM’s word was not enough to convince cynical Congress and Bharatiya Janata Party supporters that ABP News had done zimmedar reporting, they played Sambit Patra and Ajay Maken’s video clips, telling us how the case was that of exploitation. Now the holy trinity of Kejriwal, Maken and Patra had said what ABP News had gone to town with three days earlier. Case closed. And of course there is Dibang. It’s water-tight.

In case all this wasn’t enough to lagao “ABP ki khabar pe mohar”, they also stated “Humein apne sach aur darshakon par bharosa tha (we have faith in our truth and our viewers).” Because you, dear viewer, knew what had happened before anyone knew what had happened, even before ABP News aired clips of the video perhaps. You are the real heroes. You may well have a better eye for detail, considering how ABP News wrote the name of our website as “Newslaundary” while using our logo (which, incidentally, spells out the name fully). When you’re focused on the greater good, who has time for details like spell check?

“Mahila ko hi katghare mein khada kiya ja raha tha.”

This statement yelled in ABP News-style on their channel sealed it for me. Because the zimmedar news channel claimed that our reporter Manisha Pande was pointing fingers at the woman in the video. Actually no, she was putting you in the katghara and mocking your journalism and conduct. Yet again, ABP News put the victim of the circulated video in front to fight their battle. Why go so low when you have Dibang for defense ?

When it was time to cut to the panel debate, Dibang went with this:

“Jo likhne wale hain, humare samaaj mein kitna kam pakad hai unki. Mahilaon ki sthiti, humare samaj mein, humare samaj ke alag alag jagahon mein kaisi hai, uske bare mein kitni kam jankari hai unke paas, ye baat ek bahut saaf ubhar kar aati hai, saaf dikhai deti hai. Aur ye ek tareeke se aatma-manthan ka samay bhi hai un sab ke liye jo is tarah ki baatein likh rahe hain (Those who write, they have such a weak understanding of our society. The condition of women in our society, in different parts of our society, they know so little of this – this is made clear. And it is time to introspect for those who write like this).”

Dear Dibang, agreed Manisha doesn’t understand women’s issue. Neither does our Managing Editor (a woman) nor our Editor-in-Chief Madhu Trehan (you may know her) – none of them could truly understand women’s issues and “mahilaon ki sthiti” like you and your team (all the heads in decision-making positions being men and all). So, like, thanks for the atma manthan advice. And do let us know if Newslaundry could start a mentoring programme under you to understand women’s issues better, because I am sure your insight into that space will greatly help their careers as journalists.