Will Salman Khan eat channa dal and cabbage? Will he sleep hungry? What about the trauma he’s faced? What about the fact that he fed 100 orphans and promotes the downtrodden and untalented such as Sooraj Pancholi? Is Khan being made an example of? So many questions, so little perspective.

Night before last, Simi Garewal tweeted, “Of one thing I am dead sure…@BeingSalmanKhan would NEVER EVER harm any animal. He loves them too much. The real culprit should be exposed. 20 years is too long to bear someone else’s cross.” Thankfully, the courts didn’t hold the same views as Garewal and do come to decisions based on evidence on hand.

Yet, you immediately knew that the next 24 hours would go in various “experts” mouthing praise for the wonder that is Salman Khan. The bad boy with a heart of gold. How kind a person he is – after all, following his first conviction he’d started his charitable organisation Being Human. Ergo, he was innocent. That celebrities from Bollywood would flock around Khan is not a surprise. After all, he is one of the biggest superstars of the industry. Over Rs 700 crore is supposedly riding on him as I write this. And just because someone kills an endangered animal or two, doesn’t mean that one can’t be a kind, helpful and even fun person with his family and friends. Contrary to what is believed, the two aspects – an ability to murder and the ability to be a friendly, helpful soul – are not connected. And the latter doesn’t negate the former.

What I was sure of though was that news channels would stoop to conquer and pull out the usual suspect panelists from their basements, air them out, give them fresh clothes and tell them that here was yet another celebrity controversy to comment vapidly on. And no English channel disappointed.

In the absence of any new information to report, while the verdict was still to be announced, NDTV spent the morning telling us how popular Khan was in China and how many blockbusters he’d delivered. The relevance of these facts to his culpability, still escapes me. We were also subjected to the two-syllable word, “sentence”, repeated ad nauseam while being pronounced incorrectly. If you must speak in English, or any language of your choice, at least don’t butcher the language while doing so.

Suhel Seth made an appearance and used the “prism of logic” to not answer whether Khan should be convicted, but to keep telling us how the legal system is buggered up. And that we cannot ignore Khan’s trauma. I might be wrong, but the trauma of the two Black Bucks who were shot dead and decapitated might just be a little more than Khan’s. And I’m not even mentioning the trauma of Noor Ullah Khan, the pavement-dweller who died under Khan’s car, or the three other pedestrians who were injured. This sympathy for Khan was repeated by other panelists as well. Including Khan’s friend and Narendra Modi supporter, Zafar Sareshwala who claimed Khan was being persecuted for being a Muslim – only to retract his statement on NDTV.

To be clear, the incident which Khan is facing five years in prison for, took place in 1998. If it wasn’t for the Bishnois who chased the car and filed a case, no one would have even known of the incident. There are three cases against Khan. The Bhavad village case, the Ghoda Farm case and the Kankani case. The driver of the jeep which Khan and his gang of merry actors were in, was driven by Harish Dulani. Dulani has said Khan not only shot the Black Buck, but also got out of the jeep and slit the deer’s throat. Over the years, Dulani has changed his statement many times. In 2002, he went missing. In 2006, he reappeared and retracted his statement, saying he’d been pressured by forest officials into naming Khan. Soon after this Salman was convicted. Dulani later said he had been threatened.

There are some constants. It’s odd that all prime witnesses in any case of murder involving Khan disappear, and when they do reappear, they retract their statements. And Khan is always behind the wheel. He could be the brand ambassador for a campaign by Uber on the need for driverless cars.

Over the years, Khan had also given an interview where he said, “We saw a wounded deer. I stepped out of the jeep and fed the deer a biscuit. That’s all that happened. Then we drove off.” He has also claimed the Black Bucks died of overeating at one point. And that they were killed by dogs at another point.  And to Koel Purie on Koel On The Couch, he claimed that he’s not the one who pulled the trigger.

I don’t know about trauma, but Khan definitely suffers from an overactive imagination.   

In 2006, Khan was convicted and sentenced to five years in jail. He spent six days in Jodhpur jail and then got bail. On August 31, the Rajasthan Court suspended the sentence and ordered Khan not to leave the country. Khan then carried on making films, endorsing brands, hosting shows, romancing women, essentially living the good life and making lots of money both for himself and his producers.  On July 25, 2016 the Rajasthan High Court acquitted Khan of all charges because of lack of evidence. In November 11, the Supreme Court issued a notice to Khan on an appeal by the Rajasthan government challenging his acquittal. The Supreme Court agreed to fast-track the state government’s petition. And finally today, on April 5, 2018, Khan was convicted for five years and had to spend the night in prison. At the least, he will spend less than 12 hours in prison as his bail hearing is at 10.30 am tomorrow. At most, he will spend a weekend in jail. Unless of course the court rejects his bail application, which seems unlikely. And yes, Jodhpur is quite hot during the day, but the nights are nice and breezy. Khan will survive half a day in prison, which is more than I can say about the dead Black Buck.

That there are panel discussions debating “Is the quantum of punishment too high?”, “Salman paying for crime or stardom?”, “Is the #SalmanConvicted verdict unfair?” across channels, is beyond ridiculous. That Times Now is showing us how popular Khan is, by interviewing a gaggle of youngsters who have made a photo album dedicated to Khan and that the anchor is describing each picture to us, is simply bizarre. On India Today TV, the anchor told us that Khan does not want to go to prison. Really? We thought he’s dying to go to prison. Another anchor, while showing us a picture of Khan speaking to the police in jail, described what Khan was wearing in the picture, in case we thought one of the cops was Khan. This is reporting at its most absurd.

That the quantum of punishment, which is according to the law and not an extended punishment, is even up for debate is surprising. That the fact that this case has gone on for 20 years is being used as justification that he should be let off, is nonsensical. Does justice delayed mean that justice should be denied? That Khan’s popularity should play a part in his sentencing and should be harped on by every news channel, is worrying. And let’s not forget that he can appeal the conviction and going by the speed at which the legal system moves, Khan is going to be footloose and fancyfree for years to come.

This is a celebrity, who has led a life of privilege since the day he was born. The least one can expect from him is that he will not commit heinous crimes. We have anti-poaching laws in the country. Is it really too much to expect a superstar to not kill an endangered animal in cold blood? Instead we seem bothered about what he’ll wear, where he’ll urinate, or whether Asaram will give him a warm welcome in prison. It’s one night in prison, he’ll get over it.

But will we get over Republic TV telling us whether Khan will eat channa dal and cabbage for dinner? That’s the million dollar question.