“I was back to square one,” Rashi*, 23, recalled the day the NEET-UG results were unexpectedly announced amid the Lok Sabha election results frenzy on June 4. It was her fourth attempt, and she had hoped for a government seat. 

But she could score just 570 marks and a seat in a private college. This was unimaginable for the daughter of a farmer from Rajasthan’s Sri Ganganagar who had to drop out of a coaching institute in Jaipur due to the hefty fees and deal with depression. “There was a lot of pressure when I went for coaching right after class 12. It was a very tough time for me. The pressure is very tough to handle. I was depressed and on medicines for nearly six months. I could also overcome it because I was with my family. There are students who can’t overcome it.”

Rashi is only one of the many NEET aspirants – of the over 23 lakh students registered for the exam and about 13 lakh who qualified – to face disappointment for vying for one of the 1,08,940 seats, including about 50,000 seats in government institutes across the 706 medical colleges in India. For many of them who come from disadvantaged sections and weak economic backgrounds, the NEET irregularities had dealt a heavy blow.

Newslaundry spoke to several such aspirants about their hopes, and what unites them all.

‘These scores could get us govt seats last year’

Suraj, who hails from Bilaspur in Chhattisgarh and had been protesting in Delhi over the alleged NEET scam, scored 618 on his third attempt this year. “After I took the exam and checked my answers, it was all rainbows at my place. My parents celebrated with me. We knew I would not only crack the exam but would definitely get a government seat.”

The 21-year-old said that had he got 618 last year, “I would be studying MBBS right now rather than waiting...I am from a lower middle-class family, my parents support me but cannot afford a private medical college’s fees. Government seat is my only hope to become a doctor. But now that hope is shattered”.

Arjun*, 18, who scored 645 in his second attempt and was ranked 32000, said that last year, the same marks would have got him a rank under 10,000. “If everything was not a scam, I could have gotten a government seat. Now, I will go for a private college with my state quota in Kerala. But I am very frustrated as we are a middle-class family and while government colleges charge about Rs 50,000 for the entire course, the same course in private colleges is worth over Rs 50 lakh. I feel like a financial burden for my family.”

Shikha*, 21, who locally takes coaching classes at Pradeep’s Academy in Haldwani, said, “When such scams come across, I believe, our trust is compromised. The exam that I have prepared for so long that my mind just believes that anything below MBBS is not an option”.

The NEET aspirant who scored 550 in her first attempt after two years of preparation, said, “You have been working so hard the entire year and now when the time comes for the result, you feel depressed. I mean I agree there is a chance of some rank inflation, considering there were more examinees this year but this level of inflation in rank has shaken me to the core.” 

Vidhi*, 22, who had been preparing for NEET for three years and scored 595, said, “This was my third attempt. How many drop years can I afford? I am not getting a seat even through state quota. I was in denial about the results for three days. I didn’t know what I needed to do, I am still confused. And this confusion is killing me.”

The aspirant, whose father owns a small business in Haldwani, had first enrolled in a coaching institute in Kota but returned home after three months and began taking online classes. “I lived away from my family and cried my heart out a ton of times. In the last month of preparation when my health deteriorated, I had to come back home. And after all those sacrifices, this is the result we get.” 

Both Shikha and Vidhi claimed that had they got these scores last year, they would have gotten a government medical college seat. The latter said that as the years go by, “eventually you are forced to drop your only dream, take up some other degree and be complicit with it. I will never understand what my fault is in all of this”.

Fighting back tears, Vidhi told Newslaundry that she felt “cheated” over the irregularities in holding the exam. “I studied for 12-14 hours everyday for the past six months. I abandoned my social life for this one exam and now you are telling me, that a national level agency couldn’t hold such an important exam with complete security? I feel cheated.”

She said that parents, friends, and teachers “make me believe that I am a doctor already. Because I have been told repeatedly that this is the only profession I am suitable for, now it is impossible to think of anything else”.

Meanwhile, Uday*, a NEET aspirant from Kota, said that one of his friends has decided to quit the pursuit of a medical seat as he would not get one despite scoring well and he “cannot afford to spend another year on preparations”.

Trust hit, hopes pinned on re-NEET  

An aspirant from Indore, Gargi*, 19 who has been preparing for NEET for three years now, scored 502 and alleged that her OMR numbers do not match. “My scorecard flashed 502, but after the exam when I had calculated my marks, which actually should be the result, it was 550. I know other students too whose OMR numbers aren’t matching with their final score now.”

Karam*20, a resident of Rajasthan’s Sikar scored 605 in his second attempt. He said he chose the medical field despite his father running a factory as “this is the only profession where you get the blessings too. I am demotivated but I will not leave the field.”

Several students like Karam said that despite being high scorers, they had no chance at a seat in a government college, and the only beacon of hope is re-NEET. 

Huma*19, a resident of Bhopal who is enrolled with the online classes of Physics Wallah, said that if there is no re-examination, she will quit the field and pursue another degree. “The NEET cut-off for the unreserved category was 137 last year, but it is 164 this year. For what reason will I take another drop year, so that when next year the cut-off is 200, I still fail?” 

The daughter of a government employee said that she has “one percent hope that re-examination might happen, that is saving me internally. But otherwise, my mental health is affected because of the uncertainty after the result”.

Vidhi and Rashi too demanded re-examination although “it is difficult to study again”. “Re-NEET is required considering how low the score has gone. If it doesn’t happen, I will have to leave it. I will have to leave my dream because my family can’t afford to spare me another year. It is difficult to let go of my dream, but what else can I do now?”

Jasreen, a consulting psychologist at Lissun that collaborates with coaching institutes for mental health programmes, said that speculations around re-examination has “added to the already deteriorating mental condition of a lot of students” and “may trigger aspirants”. “Students have apprehensions and doubts about re-NEET. They have negative feelings because of this. They feel overwhelmed and alone. The insecurity among the students has increased after the NEET exam. They are unsure about the future and very anxious”. 

Dr Shuchi Om Gupta, who offers mental health counselling in Kota and is also associated with institutes such as Resonance and Akash, told Newslaundry that the students who came to her after the exam results “are lost”. “They have no confidence left in the system. They have zero faith and this could be an alarming stage for many students.”

She said that after the NEET result, calls from the students have increased. She also pointed out that many students are so passionate about cracking NEET, “they think that if not NEET, they will get nothing out of life” and the “repetitive failures or scams put them under extreme pressure. The hopes of these students have totally shattered. Parents have called me telling me their kids are not their normal self. They are aloof and worried about their future”.

‘Pressure’, despair, suicides but little help   

In the days after the announcement of the NEET results, at least three teenager aspirants died by suicide in Kota, a hub of exam coaching institutes. Uday, who studies at an institute where one of the incidents were reported, said that despite the death there was “no conversation” around it. “When I got to know what had happened, I was sure that the suicide happened because of the result. I think the NTA did wrong. Nobody talked about it. I was scared.”

Vidhi said she feels jittery every time she recalls her time there. “My next-door hostel had a student who died by suicide. I couldn’t sleep that night. It is so common in Kota. I returned home in December as I couldn’t cope there.”

But this is not only the case of Kota. Karam, who studies at a coaching institute in Sikar, said suicides are a “taboo topic”. “The institutes try to slide it under the rug as soon as it happens. They suppress such issues. They have a system of counsellors and psychologists but I doubt anybody even goes there. Everyone manages on their own.”

Many students said that the news of a fellow aspirant’s suicide makes them lose their sleep. Shikha told Newslaundry that when she heard about a student’s death after the NEET result, she could “connect”. “I could understand the level of pressure that she must have put on herself. She must have worked so hard, and yet after the result she might have been disheartened.”

Huma recalled that one of her peers preparing for NEET had confided in her about “facing pressure from her parents” and feeling like a “failure”. “She was her school topper but she struggled while preparing for NEET.”

Ashish, a consultant psychologist at Mindroot Foundation, who has been providing mental health counselling in Kota for two years, said that the temperament of the students is “more negative”. “You might feel that everyone there is under pressure. They are all hoping for only one thing. There is a protocol to have counsellors but the students are so many that none of the institutes have enough counsellors to handle them.”

Dr Gupta said that many students who come to her feel worthless. “Suicide is not a one-day job. Years and months go on before someone takes that action. The students feel they will be able to do nothing if they can’t crack the exam. They get stuck in a loop.” 

Names of the students have been changed to protect their identity.

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