How Modi’s Ancient Science Could Rewrite History

Narendra Modi didn’t disappoint with his speech at the Ambani family event in Mumbai. CNN-IBN’s keen news sense and brilliant editorial discretion not only gave us insights into public health and medical science, it also ensured the exclusive 2 hours were high on TRPs because you know, Modi and cameras. The speech was as entertaining as his others (except the boring one here). The medical expertise the Prime Minister displayed were the highlights of this speech.

The two standout moments being when he said “Hum Ganeshji ki pooja karte hain. Koi to plastic surgeon hoga us zamaane mein jisne manushya ke shareer par haathi ka sar rakh karke plastic surgery ka prarambh kiya hoga.” Although to attach an elephant’s head onto a human body you’d need more than plastic surgery. No Modiji, Rhinoplasty doesn’t mean that a Rhino’s head is attached on a human body. It’s the technical phrase for a nose job.  Rhis, nose +  plassein, to shape.

And there was this. “Medical science ki duniya mein hum garv kar sakte hain ki hamara desh kisi samay mein kya tha. Mahabharat mein Karna ki katha, hum sab Karna ke vishay mein Mahabharat mein padhte hain. Lekin kabhi hum thoda sa aur sochna shuru karen to dhyaan mein aayega ki Mahabharat ka kehna hai ki Karna maa ki god se paida nahi hua tha. Iska matlab ye hua ki us samay genetic science maujood tha.Tabhi to Karna, maa ki god ke bina, uska janma hua hoga.” 

There was a Dr. Dhaniram Baruah who had claimed to have successfully transplanted a pig’s body parts into a human being in 1998 when I worked at Newstrack. My colleague traveled to Assam to do a story on this. She met with him and apparently his patient stayed alive for a few hours with a pig heart and pig lungs but died later. Dr. Baruah was arrested and most people agreed that he was a little insane. He insisted to my colleague that he is perfectly sane, has scientific proof of his genius (like dead patients) and is being framed. I saw the video footage. He was very articulate and seemed perfectly sane. I have no idea where or how he is now. He could be considered as a medical adviser in the present government. Just saying.

So if we are to take Modiji’s word that science had made such breakthroughs during the era of Lord Ram and the Mahabharat, there are so many other things that could have happened that would have changed the course of history (or mythology for you cynical non-believers).

1. Lord Hanuman would not have needed to uproot and bring the entire Dronagiri mountain while searching for the sanjeevanibooti to heal Laxman. For one, the standby medical team during the most important battle of its time would have had it in the first aid centre. If not, Lord Hanuman could have googled it on his 3G-enabled mobile device helping him identify the sanjeevani or better still, a video chat or Skype with Lord Ram would ensure the experts identified the correct one rather than uproot the whole mountain and destroy the ecosystem it supported.
2. There would be Google maps and GPS, so Lord Ram would not have had to take the long journey meeting Shabri, Sugreev, Hanuman etc. He would not have needed Jatayu’s guidance either. He would have reached Lanka and Sita way earlier.
3. With such advanced genetic coding and tech possibilities, drones would have been pretty primitive technology. So there would not really be a need for boots (or juttis or sandals) on the ground as unmanned drones firing smart bullets would have won the war. Arjun would not have needed to kill his brothers so no Gita either. Whoa!
4. Guru Dronacharya would not have needed to go to Yudhishthir to ask if in fact Ashwathama was dead. Yudhishthir would not have needed to lie either. Drona could have flipped open his 4G (or 10G) device and recalled an instant replay from one of the many cameras that would have been covering the battle. Or just texted or whatsapped Ashwathama – “Yo! Sonny, you alive?” Thus he would not have been beheaded by Drishthadyumna either, and then Ashwathama would not have killed Drishthadyumna – oh my God. The possibilities.
5. Duryodhan would not have to die. What’s a broken pelvis when you can transplant entire heads and nervous systems.
6. They would not have had to build the bridge to reach Lanka. Hovercraft technology would have taken them across double quick – so no Ram Setu and no political siyapa years later either.
7. Such an advanced civilisation would certainly not be as sexist and patriarchal, so Draupadi would not have been disrobed in a full-on royal gathering (although advanced civilisations would not have Royals and Kings and such primitive hierarchies. Oh dear! We’re in a contradictory loop!). Even if she were disrobed, Duryodhan would have to deal with the Vishakha Committee equivalent that any advanced culture would have in place. He’d be cooling his heels in jail (no bail for him for sure) forever and no there would be no war.
8. Rather than getting Shikhandi as a shield against Bhishma, Arjuna could have used the available medical technology of severing and attaching things like heads etc to temporarily take on the neutral gender, like he did during the agyatvas as Brihannala. This also explains how he pulled that one year off as a eunuch. Thus, there would be no need for Shikhandi as Bhishma’s nemesis and Amba would not remain a spinster and have to curse Bhishma and… oh my God. None of this would have ever happened in the first place.

History could have been so very different. If only they had used all that technology at their disposal.