The Shihan Hussaini Guide To Winning A Woman’s Heart

It’s not uncommon to hear sycofans (yes, that’s not a typo, some people blur the line between sycophancy and genuine fandom) talk about spilling blood for whoever their “leader” of choice is, but they rarely ever do. That’s where Shihan Hussaini stands apart.

Hussaini puts even the most ardent Modi bhakts, Soniacs and Kejritards to shame by constantly finding new and increasingly gory ways to show his love for his fearless leader J Jayalalithaa.  More recently he did so by having himself crucified a day short of Jayalalithaa’s birthday, reportedly to commemorate her turning 67 and to demand her reinstatement as Chief Minister of Tamil Nadu.

Remember that the next time you think of sending someone an e-card on their birthday.

While it’s hard to think of a gift to buy Jayalalithaa, what with her reportedly owning over 750 pairs of shoes and thousands of sarees, this crucifixion wasn’t just the result of a man running out of gift ideas. After all, this isn’t the first time Hussaini has pulled off something like this.  Hussaini, who happens to be a martial arts and archery expert as well as a self-proclaimed “para psychic”, shot into the media glare in 2005, not for his psychic or sporting abilities, but for his “artistic” talents. On February 24, 2005 he unveiled 56 portraits of Jayalalithaa done in his own blood to mark the occasion of her 56^th birthday. When asked about this attempt to win Jayalalithaa’s favour, Hussaini is reported to have told BBC News Online, “There were times when I passed out. But I persisted”, thus showing the sort of decision-making and fervour that usually results in restraining orders, psychiatric evaluations and a thrilling episode of Criminal Minds, but not if you’re Shihan Hussaini.

This wasn’t even the first time Hussaini painted Jayalalithaa in blood. He also recounts a rather dubious claim where in 1994 he had 101 cars drive over his hand before then using the same hand to shatter 5,000 tiles and 1,000 bricks and then, after having put the quality of Tamil Nadu’s brick and tile manufacturing industry under serious question, proceeded to paint Jayalalithaa in his own blood with the same shattered hand. If they make a movie on this man and he’s not played by Rajnikanth and Chuck Norris’ love-child then there is no god. So did Jayalalithaa find it touching? Well, sort of. According to reports she called him the next day and instructed him to stop hurting himself before allotting him a plot of land for a martial arts academy, presumably before beefing up her security and introspecting about the state of Tamil Nadu’s mental health facilities. If painting Jayalalithaa in blood and having himself crucified was not enough for you to believe how much of a Jayalalithaa fan he is, in 2013, on the occasion of Jayalithaa’s 65^th birthday, Hussaini showed his artistic development by moving from bloody painting to this:

No, that is not Jayalalithaa’s decapitated head but a statue made from 6.5 litres of blood to, you guessed it, mark Jayalalithaa’s 65^th birthday. It’s amazing how Hussaini manages to be incredibly predictable while simultaneously managing to be incredibly and scarily unpredictable. To his credit, he makes it clear that he does this not just out of love for Amma but also for the love of sensationalism and attention. Still, despite his love for guts and gore, there IS a method to Hussaini’s madness. While one might expect the ranting of a man suffering from severe blood-loss and visions of Jayalalithaa telling him to do crazy things, his Twitter timeline shows the studiousness and planning that went into his Passion Of The Christ moment. His tweets indicate that the stunt has been in the works for a while with tweets from February 18, 2015 mentioning the start of his preparations:

He even went so far as to draw the design for his crucifixion:

  And while most people are content just conceptualising a crazy train, sobering up and leaving it at that, Shihan Hussaini methodically picked out the materials for his crazy train and had it built:

Finally, a day shy of Jayalalithaa’s birthday, he got behind the controls and, with the help of his supporters, drove his crazy train right off the rails and into the media spotlight – nails, cross, Amma shirt and all.

Keeping in mind his penchant for going all Tarantino/Eli Roth with his merging of gore and art, we’re just wondering what he has planned for Jayalalithaa’s 100^th birthday.